Quasimodo.

I like to think that I’m a person who has control over my feelings. As turbulent and unpredictable as they are. And for the most part, I do believe that I am in control. Sometimes though, my grip slacks and I lose it. Such times are like now.

I am usually very easily distracted. No kidding. My mind wanders a lot and it never stays on the same thought for more than five minutes. Occasionally though, when I am feeling troubled, I go online and watch some videos. I have to admit; Kpop takes my mind off stuff. Not permanently but long enough for me to reinforce my barriers.

But when even Kpop doesn’t work, I know I’ve got it bad. And to be honest, you aren’t helping matters. I’m neither the most unobservant person on Earth nor am I the most observant. But from what I gather, it seems to me like you just can’t make up your mind. For one moment; you’re teasing lightly, pulling faces behind people’s back, grinning like the adorable idiot you are, And the next; you appear to be avoiding me, with short, cold replies, obvious averted glances, forced smiles and painful silences.

I don’t cry. Because that goes against all the rules I have set for myself. I don’t take it out on others; my friends neither my family. Because that would just be stupid. And I don’t go up to you and scream in your face either. Because I just can’t bring myself to do it. And frankly, I have more dignity than that.

I tell myself not to care. It is after all, your loss and not mine. But I can’t deny the fact that it still fucking hurts.

I’m afraid; I admit. Ridiculously and impossibly so. Not afraid of falling. Because hell, I already am. But afraid of not having someone to catch me when I reach the ground.